I am a third culture kid. I was raised in an incredibly diverse international community that taught me to fight for equality and justice. As you can probably imagine, Trump is not my type. But there’s a problem-my family supports him. When I say “family” I should specify that I am talking about my extended family, not immediate. Living abroad has prevented me from seeing them often, and up until this election, I hadn’t seen that as a good thing. I missed them. They are family, after all, however, this election created tension.
These past two years have put a strain on my relationships with my family, especially my uncle. I always loved my uncle. He was my role model, someone who was always there for me, someone who had cared for me more than I thought possible and I always looked up to him. When I heard he was voting for Trump I was devastated. I must have gone through three tissue boxes crying in my room turning this revelation over in my head. I couldn’t help but feel like I had been betrayed, as if our whole relationship had been a lie. A part of me wanted to shut him out and ignore that he had ever existed, and for a while that’s what I did. I ignored his calls, wouldn’t respond to his texts and when I was forced to talk to him through my mom, I would never say I love you.
I did this for a good five months. It was easy to forget because he lives over 4,800 miles away, but I always felt guilty. Every time I would hang up on him or ignore his messages I would feel bad, but immediately after feeling this guilt I started to get angry. Why should I be feeling regretful? He is the one who has done this. He is the one who chose to support someone who goes against everything I believe in. What’s worse is that each time I would hang up the phone without saying more than ten words to him my mom would yell at me, telling me that I needed to get over myself, reminding me that we are still family. I would immediately yell back, saying that anyone who agrees with a man who shows xenophobic, sexist, and Islamophobic tendencies can’t just get a free pass because we share the same blood.
After successfully building a wall between us I started to forget him, to forget what he had done, forget what our relationship used to be and forget the pain he had caused me. This actually worked for a while until my parents told me that we were going back to the United States for Christmas and would be staying with my grandma and uncle. At first I thought nothing of it, my plan didn’t change. I would keep our conversations to a minimum and would get out of the room as fast as possible. Time passed and before I knew it we were getting off the plane.
The first thing I saw when I arrived at my grandma’s house was his car, his car with a Trump sticker on the back. I was pissed, to say the least. This one small sticker reinforced my anger and fueled my resentment. I walked into that house ready to yell, ready to scream, but then I saw him and just couldn’t. My fury did not disappear but I couldn’t bring myself to start a fight. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to hug him but I did. I didn’t want to smile but I did. I didn’t want to pretend that everything was okay but I did. I realized that after everything, I still cared about him and I couldn’t continue giving him the cold shoulder. I wasn’t going to forgive him fully but I was going to give him a chance to explain why he voted against my basic values and principles.
The two weeks I spent with him were awkward to say the least. Politics was something that we tried to avoid but couldn’t help coming back to, and when we did, anger and frustration were inevitable. In that time we talked a lot. Some of the discussions were civil, others not so much. By the end I started to understand why he had voted the way he did, I did not condone it or agree with it but I started to accept it.
I am still saddened by what he did and I don’t think I will ever stop trying to make him see things from my point of view but I finally feel like I can talk to him without being upset. This previous year has changed a lot for me, it has altered a relationship that I have valued since I was a child, a relationship that through no amount of discussion will ever be the same again.
VOICE OF THE VOTELESS 